The Art of Friendship

(A quiet reflection in a loud, rushed world)

I think friendship, at its best, is a kind of everyday magic.

It’s someone choosing to be in your life not because they have to, or because you're convenient  but because they want to be.

It's a shared history.

Quiet trust.

Knowing someone will show up, not just for the big life moments, but for the boring ones too.

But somewhere along the way, we’ve started to lose that..

Everyone’s stretched thin.

We’re distracted.

Mobile phones have replaced real effort. A text instead of a visit, a like instead of a call.

We got lazy.

We send a message when we used to knock on the door. We scroll past people’s lives instead of sitting in them.

We’ve got group chats coming out of our ears - endless threads trying to organise one lunch, and in the end, no one commits.

And if they do? They’ll drop out at the last minute if something “better” comes along.

That kind of flakiness… it chips away at trust.

And maybe that’s why so many people are quietly realising how lonely they feel - even when they’re surrounded by people.

So here’s a moment to ask gently: what is friendship really for and how are we holding it in our lives right now?

We’ve All Got Different Friends for Different Reasons

Not every friend is meant to be everything. And that’s OK.

Some are your go-to for deep chats and the tell you as it is chats.
Some are for belly laughs and bold nights out.
Some are for business, parenting, healing, fun.
Some are steady and lifelong. Others are fleeting and intense.

And then there are the ones who are unmistakably your people - the same kind of weird, the same obsessions.

For me, it’s the barefoot-in-the-woods, talk-to-the-trees-with-you tribe. The ones who pull an oracle card at exactly the right moment and totally get why you needed it.

I’ve got a friend I’ve known since my schooldays.. We don't see each other all the time, but we stay connected through pictures of new leaves on our houseplants and tunes that take us back down memory lane of the 90’s.. And when we do see each other? We pick up like we spoke yesterday. It’s never awkward. It's comfortable.  He is a lifelong friend.

Not all friendships are meant to do it all. But they should make you feel good to be in. That’s the difference.

Some Friends Stay. Some Don’t. And That’s OK.

There were two friends I honestly thought would be by my side forever.
They were like the sisters I never had. We did everything together - birthdays, holidays, birth, kids, big life stuff, the boring bits in between. We had so much fun. We knew each other inside out.

And now? We don’t even exchange birthday messages on Facebook.

I’ve grieved those friendships. Quietly. It was real grief.. The kind you don’t always talk about, but still carry.

Their part in my story ended earlier than I expected. I’ve made peace with that now. I can see they were meant for a season that needed them. I appreciate everything they brought into my life. But yes - it was sad. And still is, sometimes.

And it’s not just me. I hear it from others too - this feeling of disconnection. Friendships drifting. Not because of fallouts, but because no one made the effort to keep them alive.

That’s why I’m writing this. Because I think friendship is still one of the most important things we’ve got — especially in a world where everyone is one inbox ping away from a meltdown.

When It Really Counts

When my mum died, I was 30. I’d just had my second baby. I was in the thick of motherhood and loss. On paper, I had friends everywhere: baby groups, preschool mums,, my school mates, uni pals, old work colleagues, even friends of my mum.

I honestly thought I’d be surrounded.

Do you know how many showed up?

One.

That taught me everything I needed to know about friendship.

It’s also why I’m writing this now -  because I don’t think I’m alone in this experience.

I think a lot of people feel quietly let down. Lonely, even in full rooms. Left out of group chats. Forgotten during their hardest moments. And in a world where we’re all one inbox ping away from a breakdown — I believe we need real, solid, human connection more than ever.

But we won’t find it if we’re always too busy, too tired, too numbed out to notice each other.

What Are You Bringing to the Table?

It’s easy to look at our friendships and ask, “What am I getting out of this?”

But maybe we need to flip that:
What am I bringing in?

• Do you only message when you want advice?

• Are you truly listening — or just waiting for your turn to rant?

• When a friend’s grieving or ill, have you popped round with dinner? Sent flowers just because? Organised something to cheer them up — not because they asked, but because you just knew?

• Do you check in when it’s inconvenient? Or do you go quiet and wait until it’s easier?

• Do you go the extra mile when it matters — showing up, being present, making them feel like a priority on their special day (birthday, wedding, big moment)?

• Do you defend them when they’re not in the room? Speak up if you hear someone tearing them down, even when it’s uncomfortable?

• Have you ever planned something just for them — not to tick a box, but to make them feel celebrated, seen, and loved?

• Do you remember the hard dates, the soft spots, the little details they once shared that meant something?

Friendship isn’t about always getting it right. But it is about trying. It’s the small acts of care, the quiet loyalty, the willingness to say: you matter to me — and I’m here.

The Quiet Audit

This isn’t about ending friendships or making anyone feel wrong.

It’s a soft, honest check-in.

• Who do you feel most like yourself with?

• Who do you keep meaning to check in with but haven’t?

• Who fills you up, and who quietly leaves you feeling a bit flat?

• And more than that — who might need you right now, even if they haven’t said it?

• And are you giving your people the version of you they actually need?

Friendship isn’t about being constantly available. But it is about showing up. Remembering. It’s about effort when no one’s looking, even when life gets busy.

And maybe now, more than ever, we need to come back to that.

One Small Act of Friendship

Maybe this has stirred something. A memory. A regret. A name you haven’t said out loud in a while.

Friendship isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, it’s a soft presence that quietly holds us through the mess of life. And sometimes, we don’t realise how much it matters until it’s too late to say the thing, to send the message, to show up. (It’s never too late by the way.)

So here’s something to try today just one small act of friendship:

• Message the friend you’ve been meaning to check in on.

• Call someone instead of texting.

• Send the flowers.

• Share the song, the memory, the photo of that new houseplant leaf.

• Pick a date and make the plan - and stick to it!

Because friendship needs tending. And sometimes, it just starts with one small, honest moment of connection.