The Stress You Don’t Realise You’re Carrying: Why People Pleasing Creates Hidden Stress
Do You Know What Really Winds Me Up?
Hearing women say, “I’m just stressed… I’ll be fine.”
It’s become a habit - something we say on autopilot - even when our lives don’t look that stressful.
Because for most women, the pressure isn’t coming from the outside world…
It’s coming from the conversations in our own heads.
The quiet:
“If I say no, I’ll let someone down.”
“People will think I’m selfish.”
“I really should help.”
These invisible pressures create hidden stress that so many women carry every single day.
We don’t even say it out loud, it’s just the “polite” way we talk to ourselves but it drives so much of our overwhelm.
How Hidden Stress Creeps Into Everyday Life
I know this feeling too well.
For years, I was the Queen of People Pleasing.
Working in my business and my partner’s.
Cooking for a blended family of six.
Doing endless jujitsu drop-offs.
Phone under my chin, listening to a friend’s latest drama.
While every part of me whispered, “When is it bedtime?”
I didn’t know this had anything to do with boundaries.
I thought I was just being “a good, helpful person.”
What I didn’t realise was how quietly I’d slipped out of my own life.
How Boundaries Reduce Stress in Women
Fast-forward 15 years - and the difference is huge.
I’m calm. Clear. Confident in my choices. Happier.
My time is actually mine.
No resentment. No overbooking. No emotional exhaustion.
And when I am tired?
It’s because I chose something I wanted — not because I ran myself into the ground.
Healthy boundaries are the secret behind why some women thrive while others feel constantly stretched thin - even when life looks “manageable” on paper.
Once you see the patterns that drain you, you can finally do something about them.
A Moment to Notice What’s Really Going On
Before you rush on with your day, here’s something to gently explore:
Where in your life are you saying “I’m fine”… when you’re actually tired?
We all have those moments - the automatic responses, the polite smiles, the times we go quiet instead of honest.
You don’t need to fix anything today.
Just noticing it is powerful.
Then ask yourself:
“What would feel kinder to me right now?”
Not the right thing.
Not the expected thing.
Just the kinder thing.
You’d be surprised how often the answer is something beautifully small:
A slower morning
Finishing one job instead of juggling five
Not replying straight away
Saying “not today”
Letting the washing wait until tomorrow
Small kindnesses have a way of unravelling stress before it even begins.
Spot the Hidden Drains on Your Energy
Stress rarely comes from the big dramatic moments.
It’s often hiding in the everyday places you don’t notice:
The text you rush to answer
The favour you agree to without thinking
The plan you said yes to but don’t want
The tasks you automatically take on because “no one else will”
These little yeses add up.
They’re often the exact reason overwhelm creeps in, even when your diary doesn’t look that full.
Pay attention to the moments that make your shoulders rise or your breath shorten — the tiny “here we go again” moments.
They’re the clues to your emotional boundaries.
The Boundary You Haven’t Said Out Loud
We all have one - a boundary we know we need, but we’re hoping someone will magically understand without us saying it.
Ask yourself:
Where am I expecting people to read my mind instead of telling them the truth?
That’s usually the place you’re feeling most stretched.
And you don’t have to deliver it perfectly.
A simple sentence is often enough to shift the whole dynamic.
A Final Thought on Stress and Self-Kindness
If any part of this made something inside you exhale, even a little, that’s your sign.
Not that you’re doing life wrong.
But that you’ve been carrying more than you realised.
You don’t have to keep holding everything together.
You just have to start holding yourself a little more.
And if this is landing for you, you might also like something I wrote around this time last year —
a gentle piece on “the power of saying no”, especially when life gets busy.
If this stirred something in you - if you recognised the quiet guilt, the rushing, the automatic yeses, or the stress you’ve been carrying alone - then Women’s Hidden Stress is where we’ll go deeper.
It’s a gentle, practical 90-minute workshop to help you understand your patterns, reconnect with yourself, and make small shifts that bring more calm into your every day.
Join us live on Tuesday 2 December - and give yourself the space you’ve been putting off.
You deserve to feel lighter than this.
You really do.
Reserve your place here