9 Things to Think About If You’re Not Sleeping Well

A real-world, slightly cheeky, actually useful guide to what might be keeping you up at night and some gentle thoughts on getting better sleep (without turning it into a full-time job).

1. Some of us are just wired for sleep

I’ve always slept well. Even through the kind of stressful life events that keep most people wide-eyed and scrolling at 2am wondering, “Why can’t I sleep at night?”
That’s just how I’ve always been - not better, not special, just... how I’m built. My brain is busy all day (ADHD-style, many-tabs-open chaos), but when it’s time to stop, it does. It knows the day is done.

That ability to switch off? I didn’t realise it was unusual until people started asking how I do it.

2. My babies were good sleepers too - was it luck, or routine?

Both my kids were sleeping through the night by 6 and 8 weeks. People told me I was lucky. Maybe. But also, I was relentlessly consistent. Dinner, bath, soft light, bed. Same order, every day.

Babies need rhythm. But so do adults.
If you’re trying to figure out how to get to sleep faster, don’t skip the obvious: a simple, consistent routine works. Sleep isn’t a surprise event. It’s something your body learns to expect - or not.

3. Some people are wired differently and that’s valid too

I have family who’ve always struggled with sleep. Light sleepers, quick to wake, instantly alert. No easing into the day. Recently one of them tried CBD gummies and saw a huge difference.

So no, not everyone’s built the same. Some of us sleep deep. Some don’t.
Some need more. Some less.

If you’re lying awake thinking how much sleep do I need to function?, the answer might not be in hours. It might be in what actually helps you feel good.

There’s no gold standard - just what works for you, right now.

4. Is cortisol the silent culprit?

If you’re always “on” managing, fixing, replying, thinking ahead. Your nervous system doesn’t magically wind down when you decide it’s bedtime. Cortisol (your stress hormone) doesn’t clock off just because you want it to.

If you’re still mentally working at 9:58pm, your body hasn’t got the message.
Wind-down time is essential - not a luxury.

This isn’t about long rituals or candles (unless you like that).
It’s about telling your body, we’re done for the day which is the backbone of real sleep hygiene.

5. Your sleep routine probably needs less glamour and more consistency

Here’s what actually helps:

• Don’t scroll until your eyes sting

• Use soft lighting in the evening

• Keep your room calm and comfortable

  Not too hot, not freezing

• Block the light (blackout curtains are game changers)

• Create a wind-down cue - PJs, skincare, stretching

• Brain racing? Write things down

• Most importantly: give yourself permission to stop

My sweet spot is 10pm–6am. That’s when I feel best.
But I don’t punish myself if I go to bed later especially in summer or on holiday.
Sleep works better when you’re not controlling it with a stopwatch.

6. Are you starting the day too fast?

I wake at 6, but I’m not upright until 6:30. I need a bit of time to come to.

If you’re the opposite, someone who’s alert the second your eyes open, be conscious of not launching into productivity straight away.
Being awake doesn’t mean you need to do.

Sometimes your nervous system needs a moment before it’s ready to be useful.
That pause? It’s part of sleep hygiene too, not just how you fall asleep, but how gently you re-enter the world.

7. What’s the loop keeping you awake and what are you doing about it?

It’s rarely the chamomile tea. Or the Netflix. Or the duvet that isn’t quite right.

It’s usually something you’re carrying.
A conversation you’re avoiding.
A decision you’re not making.
A situation you’re quietly tolerating.

You lie there going over it - again and again. Not solving it. Just circling it.

That loop becomes the habit. The habit becomes the identity.
“I’m just not a good sleeper.”

But you can change the loop.

Talk to a friend. Journal. Get professional support.
I had a client who couldn’t sleep for two years - one situation looping in her head.
Two coaching sessions later, she was sleeping again. Not because she fixed it but because she saw it differently, accepted it, and let it go.

Sometimes the fastest way to sleep isn’t doing more. It’s facing the thing your brain keeps circling.

8. Could lack of sleep be affecting your relationships?

Research shows poor sleep reduces empathy and increases conflict.
Tired brains are less patient, more reactive, and quicker to assume the worst.

And it’s not just romantic relationships - it’s friends, family, clients too.

If everyone feels edgy, snappy, misunderstood…
ask: is this a communication issue, or is everyone just sleep-deprived?

Sometimes the most caring thing you can do is go to bed.
Together, separately, with one duvet or two whatever gets you both the rest you need.

When you're rested, you show up softer, clearer, and more able to connect.

9. Are you over-optimising your sleep?

Let’s talk about the gadgets. The rings, the watches, the sleep apps.
Are they helping or are they making you more anxious?

Do you actually need to know how many minutes of REM you got last night?

We are not machines. Especially women our 28-day cycle means our sleep shifts throughout the month.
Our bodies are meant to flow. Some nights will be deeper. Some lighter. That’s normal.

I track things loosely, but mostly? I go on how I feel.
If you’re waking up and thinking, “Why can’t I sleep at night if my tracker says I should feel fine?” that’s your sign to stop tracking.

The most honest measure of rest is not your data.
It’s how you feel in the morning.

Your Turn

What’s your sleep pattern and what’s the loop in your head that might be keeping you stuck?

Is it a conversation you’re avoiding? A decision you haven’t made?
Or maybe just the belief that you don’t “do” sleep well?

Drop a comment or message me. I’d love to hear what landed with you.

Sometimes just naming the thing is the beginning of sleeping through the night.