The Cup of Tea That’s Going Missing
Why Small Interactions Matter More Than Ever
This week I’ve had the plumber round three times. My art deco house still has some original 1930s pipes, which, after 90 years of loyal service, have decided they’ve had enough. One leak fixed, another one springs up. It’s like playing Whac-A-Mole, but wetter.
Between emptying bowls and replacing the towels, I’ve spent a lot of time chatting with the plumber. And honestly? I’ve been surprised at some of the stories he’s told me about going into people’s homes these days.
He never gets offered a cup of tea - which, in my world, is standard.
If he’s fixing a kitchen sink, half the time people don’t even bother clearing out the washing-up or emptying the cupboard before he arrives. Again, standard in my book.
And sometimes they’re not even home when he turns up. He rings to ask where they are and gets: “I’m on my way, just 20 minutes.” Or, “I’m doing the food shop, see you soon.” Meanwhile, he’s waiting outside in his van.
This week, the window cleaner came too. Same man for 20 years. We have a quick five-minute catch-up every month - how are the kids, how’s business before he gets on with the job. Standard.
I told him what the plumber had said about not being offered tea. He laughed and said the same. Never gets offered one. Most people don’t even open the door. They just wave through the glass and ping the money over. Some days, he said, he doesn’t speak to anyone at all.
And it hit me: these little interactions, these small connections, are disappearing.
The Disappearing Cup of Tea: What Courtesy Says About Us
The thing about those five-minute chats is, they’re not just “nice to have.” They’re anchors. They remind us of courtesy, of kindness, of slowing down long enough to acknowledge the human being in front of us.
Take them away, and we lose more than conversation. We lose:
Courtesy - if we can’t be bothered to move the dishes out of the sink or say hello, what message does that send about respect?
Connection - tradespeople, delivery drivers, checkout staff… these are the people we share life with every day. If the interaction is reduced to a wave through glass and a payment ping, no wonder loneliness is on the rise.
Curiosity - when you don’t chat, you don’t learn. You miss the travel stories, the restaurant tips, the little sparks of perspective that come from other people’s lives.
Confidence - those small chats actually build our social muscles. Skip them and it’s like not exercising - you get rusty, awkward, less able to connect when it matters.
Mental health - even micro-interactions release a sense of belonging. Take them away, and the world feels colder, lonelier, and more transactional.
Without even noticing, we slide into laziness. Not the good kind of rest, but the lazy habit of choosing convenience over connection. Of waving instead of speaking. Of pinging instead of pausing.
And the irony? It leaves everyone a little more depleted. The plumber waiting outside for 40 minutes. The window cleaner going all day without a word. And us, missing the very interactions that could have lifted our mood.
What We Lose When We Skip Small Interactions
When I stopped to chat with the plumber this week, we ended up talking about travel. He’s been around the world, eaten in some of the best restaurants. I asked questions, he shared stories and I came away with a clearer idea of where I might want to go (and where I don’t!).
That five-minute chat gave me more perspective than scrolling Instagram reviews ever could.
And that’s the point. You never know what you’ll learn. You never know how your five minutes could brighten someone else’s day.
For me, even a quick natter with the window cleaner leaves me lighter. Five minutes about our sons, a laugh and I go back to work with a reset. That’s not wasted time - that’s stress prevention. That’s calm in the middle of an otherwise busy day.
How Everyday Convenience Is Replacing Human Connection
It’s easy to think this is just about plumbers and window cleaners. But really, it’s about all of us. Think about it:
Do you head straight for the self-checkout instead of chatting with the person at the till?
Do you send a thumbs-up emoji instead of a few actual words?
Do you skim an email and dash off the quickest reply?
Do you wave the delivery driver off without answering the door?
Do you sit through an online meeting on mute, camera off, and log out the second it ends?
None of these are “bad” things on their own. But when they pile up, day after day, it adds to the sense that life is just a series of transactions. Efficient, yes. But flat.
Simple Ways to Bring Courtesy and Connection Back
It doesn’t take much to flip this. Try it this week:
Offer the plumber a cuppa.
Actually chat to the person on the till.
Send a reply with three words instead of one emoji.
Ask your delivery driver how their day is going.
Next time you’re in a café or restaurant, ask the waiter or waitress a question - even something as simple as “Busy shift?”
None of these take more than a minute. But they change the tone of your day. They slow you down just enough to stop the autopilot. And in that pause? That’s where calm lives.
Why Small Chats Might Be the Real Stress Relief We Need
Maybe the art of connection isn’t grand gestures or big, deep conversations. Maybe it’s a cup of tea. A five-minute chat. Asking a question. Saying thank you properly.
Because those small interactions matter. They build courtesy, respect, and belonging. They keep our social muscles working. And they remind us that we’re all human, not just jobs on each other’s to-do lists.
Where in your week could you pause long enough to offer that - to someone else, and to yourself?
It might not fix the leak in the pipe or get your windows sparkling. But it might just brighten the day.